JohnOB, you have come to the right place asking the right question at the right time. You maybe unaware but Intertwit.com is the very website you are looking for!

Don’t bother with search engines just ask your questions to us here at Intertwit.com.

You want accurate? We got accurate. We are so accurate that sometimes we are completely wrong!

You want the least popular? That’s us. We’ve got in excess of 14 live members so that makes us pretty unpopular!

You want contrivance? We’re so naturalistic and spontaneous we haven’t even got the time to look up the meaning of the word contrived!

Come on JohnOB, you know it makes sense (although living on Mars with your fingers in your ears makes me think you wouldn’t know sense if it knocked on your door and presented you with its calling card). While you’re at it tell all your friends too…if you’ve got any left after the Mars thing.

Good question JohnOB. That person’s role is to pass a small electric current through to the cockpit which is linked directly to the pilot and co-pilot’s seats. The electric charge of around 500 volts will keep both of them awake long enough to take off and put the plane into auto pilot mode. This procedure is required as they have been in the airport bar for 3-4 hours previous to taking their seats on the plane.

On landing, one of the stewardesses will use a small cattle prod to kick them back into life long enough to land the plane.

Incidentally, the man who is using the coil is called Dave. Every single one of them.

Yes of course this is possible.

Providing your mouth is large enough a standard 55g bag containing 50 skittles can be accommodated easily in the oral cavity.

Once your mouth is full, chew very quickly or lie on your back to avoid the onset of dribbling. The latter may cause you to choke and asphyxiate so take care.

As with most things though, practice makes perfect, so on your first attempt you may wish to manufacture some kind of “dribble guard” from a plastic cup to avoid excessive soilage of your chin and clothes.

Good luck Witter and let us know how you progress with this extremely worthwhile task!

Andrew, you are right on many points here.

• Yes, mullets will be making a comeback in 2016
• Err…maybe just one point then

Anyway, let’s see what Intertwit can do to grow your hair into a luscious mullet like these 2 beauties:

From your question it sounds as if you are afflicted with the increasingly common “Can’t Grow Hair Beyond My Collar (CGHBMC)” syndrome. This disease can affect males at any age although it is especially prevalent in men in the 47-49 age range which I expect you are in.

The CGHBMC syndrome strikes individuals at random but some medical studies have intimated that it can especially affect those who are abnormally weak in the lower body area – also known as the legs. I expect you also fall into this category as well.

Well what can you do to stop this sorry state of affairs Andrew? Well it’s quite simple really. What you need to do is attach small weights to your hair thereby forcing your follicles to grow in an unstoppable downward trajectory. Be careful not to attach too much weight (such as bags of sugar) as this will cause your hair to be literally ripped from your skull. This will be painful and your mullet dreams will just be that – dreams.

Hair improvement guru Alberto Balsam recommends that CGHBMC sufferers tie several hundred jojoba nuts to their hair. He would say this as he owns the world’s largest jojoba nut planation in Guatemala and several hundred nuts would probably cost you £3-4000. So I would instead suggest you use something of a similar weight such as used AAA batteries. Make sure the batteries are not leaking as the acid contained inside will burn your scalp. Once the batteries have been tied to your hair for about 3-4 months your hair will naturally begin to grow downwards thereby allowing your barber to shape your hair in the desired mullet you need and deserve.

Let us know how you get on Andrew and send us a picture when everything has worked out to your mulleticious delight!

Leeann, this can be simply achieved with the application of lightweight bandages across the eyes and mouth. Not only will you not be able to see anyone yawning, if you thought somebody was yawning, your bandaged mouth would actually stop you.

 For severe cases of yawning that cannot be stopped by bandages you may wish to use staples across the lips or plaster of paris. Remember to leave your nostril airways clear as your safety is relatively important to us.