Thank you Mr Intertwit,

You’re right that my smooth parts are being replaced with a hideous explosion of billowing blond hair.  I see a market opportunity for stuffing pillows with it and selling in one of the local posh shops to very wealthy London ladies that do little else than dress themselves up and drive around in Range Rovers (like my mother).

My face is always scarred – the acne is quite something to behold already (but also from various slaps from my parents for not having ‘come up to standard’ for my future banking or political career). Life is hard in the upper classes.

Your prediction of a 79 seat majority is remarkable. My father (using that now instead of ‘daddy’ due to the smooth part replacement) said 95 so you were much closer. That’s why I want to come and live with you. You should be my father (not biologically speaking of course). It can be arranged. He would pay for it all and perhaps get you out of the misery of living without a massive income?

I shall look further info Lord Buckethead and Count Binface. This will do me well for my future political career. And to confirm….my career projection is this: Finish boarding school -> Eton -> Oxford -> Banking -> Prime Minister -> Banking again -> Lord.

Yes I shall be off on winter sports for a few months or so. My father said (he’s not coming along) try not to break a leg or die.

Problem Child.

Due to my tender your age I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean by “precocious”. 

However I did find your answer candid and erudite, yet strangely a little esoteric if you don’t mind me saying. 

The Rudyard Kipling quote (one that I read daily at bedtime) is always useful. So well done Intertwit. Overall I’d give you 8.25 out of 10.

Kind Regards,

Problem Child

PS Got a job for me please Mr Chief Twit? I was going to start importing grapes from the EU but the prices seem to have gone up. I was intending to be the UK’s youngest entrepreneur but  I’ve now massively lowered my expectations. So my new dream is to have your job.